Endometriosis Awareness Month

I haven't written on this blog in over a year but today I felt I needed to. Seeing as March is Endometriosis Awareness Month, I thought it would be a good time to make some noise and get some things off my chest about this crippling disease.

What is Endometriosis? 

Endometriosis is a chronic condition where tissue, similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside the uterus, onto places like the ovaries, fallopian tubes, bladder and bowel. In some cases, it can reach other vital organs too, such as the kidneys and lungs. In severe cases, organs become so hugely affected that they need to be removed. 

The condition can cause immense pain for those who have it. Think of the worst period pains you've ever had, then times that by ten. That is how I feel 80% of the time. Its debilitating. 

There is no cure for this disease, nor is there any known cause. Those of us with the condition live off heavy painkillers, use hot water bottles until our stomachs are covered with burns, and may need regular surgeries to remove the endometriosis. Even hysterectomies are not guaranteed to stop it. It also can't be diagnosed without surgery, as it doesn't show up on scans. So getting a diagnoses is hard work.  

Oh, and did you know that Endometriosis also affects the immune system? Yeh...

My Story

I've been having symptoms of Endometriosis for YEARS! After my sister was diagnosed in her teens, I suspected it had it too as I had the exact same symptoms. It took one botched laparoscopy and a second successful one in 2019 to be diagnosed with severe endometriosis (stage 4). My gynaecologist found endometriosis growing around my left ovary, with the mass attaching itself to my bowel. I also had it on my bladder and pouch of douglas. It explained all of my symptoms, from my terrible period pains to my frequency to use the toilet (TMI, soz…). I was also told that it would affect my fertility and I've been encouraged to have children as soon as I can.

Great. 

Last month I had a check-up, following my surgery in June. I was having recurring symptoms so my gynaecologist gave me an emergency scan. My ovary is stuck again, indicating the endometriosis may have returned. As a result, I am back on Zoladex. This is a horrific treatment for those of us with endo. In simple terms, it puts us through a 'mini-menopause', to stop the growth of any further endometriosis. This should also help with the pain and keep me in check until my next surgery. I was on it last year before surgery as a precaution. In general, it does help with the pain, but the other side affects are horrific. Hot flushes, mood swings, crying at EVERYTHING... My mental health took a nose dive and I just shut myself away as much as I could. 

 I started the next round of injections today. You would not believe how big the needle is (take a look at the wiki page!) and how much it hurt. Part of why I'm writing this is because I need to focus on something other than the pain and let out my frustration that I have to go through this. But I will do what it takes to reduce the growth of the endo and ultimately reduce the pain I'm in.

This, and self-isolating because of COVID-19 should be fun. 

I can't illiminate the pain completely, but I'm finding new ways to cope every day, both physically and mentally. 

I'm trying to keep a routine as much as possible. I'm working from home, so I am starting and finishing at the same time everyday, ensuring I take my regular medications each day at the same time and taking regular breaks. I try to take a short walk at lunch each day, as exercise is usually too painful, but a little leg stretch and some fresh air does the trick. 

I've got a HUGE to-be-read pile which I am working on. I find reading takes me to a different place and really improves my mental health, so I'll take time each day to read, even just a little bit. (Follow me on Goodreads!)

I've also just started Skyrim (I may have had to get my partner to walk me through the start of it, but I've got the hang of it now!). Gaming helps me escape the real world and pass the time if I'm having a bad day, so I'm excited to sink my teeth into it. 

Obviously, there's the matter of social distancing now, which I am going to find really hard. I'm a house-cat, but the times I do leave the house really do help, even if it is just going to work. I'm going to try to see my family when I can, but keeping socialising to a minimum. My workaround is playing Dungeons and Dragons over Skype and actually making PHONE CALLS to people!!! Anyone who knows me knows I HATE talking on the phone, so this is going to be my biggest challenge! 

I just hope that with my new treatment I am able to manage my symptoms relatively well, as the chances of me having another surgery this year is now very unlikely. There are some really great communities on Facebook and Instagram where I can keep in touch with my fellow endo-sisters, so I know I'm not alone. 

If anyone is struggling with endometriosis, or think you my have it, I am more than happy to chat with you. I am in no way an expert, but after almost ten years fighting the sysytem to get diagnosed and proper treatment, I might be able to offer you some advice and reassurance. 

Just know you're not alone.

Love, Jade x

Everything hurts. Period.

Artwork by Emma Plunkett

 A TMI rant about my battle with my uterus

It’s 2015. I’m 21. I’m living my best life. I’m at a gig once a week, in London for one reason or another, at the gym 5 times a week. I launched a blog and doing really well in my day job. I feel the most confident I’ve ever been. I’m happy and healthy. 

And then I wasn’t. 

I’ve suffered from bad period pains ever since aunt flo first visited.  I remember being sent home from school a lot because the pain was crippling, but my doctors dismissed it as normal. 

“Most women get cramps, you just gotta get on with it.”

"It's probably not as bad as you think it is. Don't think about it"

I was 11 years old when a doctor told me that having a baby will probably "cure my cramps". I've been told the same thing at subsequent appointments up until now. I mean, I definitely want kids, but for the right reasons and at the right time for me. 

"Hey kids, did you know you exist solely because your mum wanted to conduct an experiment on herself?"

Anyone with a uterus has probably had some form of period pain in their life. Even if you've had very mild pains, I'm sure you can agree they aren't exactly pleasant.

Don't get me wrong, being a woman is amazing. I mean, we can grow people inside of us! We can feed babies with our boobies! (yes i said boobies) 

But my god, my uterus is a bitch.

The level of pain I've experienced has peaked and troughed through the years. I remember times when I couldn't stand because the pain was so bad. I remember times where I had no pain at all. I remember in 2015, when I was having the time of my life, I wasn't experiencing anything near to what I am now. 

What the hell happened, uterus!? We were just becoming friends!? *insert I can't believe you've done this vine here*

Today I'm living in constant pain. The cramps are daily. Excessive movement feels like I've ripped one of my ovaries off. Even sneezing can cause pain. It's ruining my relationships, my mental well being, my job...

It's exhausting. 

About two years ago I was sent to a gynaecologist who was convinced I had endometriosis. My sister has it, and my symptoms are almost identical, so that's what they went with. A laparoscopy was planned and treatment in the meantime arranged. I'd try every contraception until I found one that "worked". 

None of them "worked" and I'm convinced some of them made things worse... but I'm not the doctor. What would I know about my own body!?

I also tried other remedies suggested by different doctors; CBD oil, yoga, light exercise, rest, hot water bottles (my best friends), hot baths... I even tried therapy, which helped me manage the negative effects the pain had on my mental health. Sort of. 

Fast forward a year, my pain was unbearable, I still hadn't had the op, and I was going mad from being in constant pain. I was scared I'd lose my job (despite constant reassurance from managers it was fine), I spiralled into a pit of depression and my anxiety skyrocketed. I used to get anxious going to events but now it was because I had to cancel plans. All. The. Damn. Time. I think a lot of my family and friends got a bit fed up with me, but I was exhausted. I could just about manage a full day at work. 

The strain that this pain has on me physically and mentally is too much, so I usually get home and just sleep. Goodbye social life. 25 going on 75 amirite?! 

I went to hospital a few times from excessive bleeding and terrible cramps. I was having symptoms of a miscarriage at one point, despite not being pregnant. I went to the hospital just in case to be told it was only my period. Again, the gynaecologist was certain it must be endometriosis, and again I was told that pregnancy might stop it. 

At this point I even considered it.

After getting nowhere with my laparoscopy, doc sent me private where I finally had the op. I was told there was no endometriosis, but I did have a twisted ovary so he fixed it. I was relieved because it must have been that, right?!

Well, a few things came to light about my surgery and the gynaecologist I saw, which I won't detail (I'd be here all day), but it has meant I'm now getting a second opinion from another private gynaecologist.

Back to square one yay!

This new gynaecologist is, again, convinced it's endometriosis, but because I've already tried almost everything, he's pulled out the big guns. Zoladex. I'm injected with oestrogen every three months and will probably be getting menopausal symptoms, but in return, I'm supposed to be pain free. Sounds fun right? If things don't get better, I get to have another op. Lucky me!

So far, I've not noticed a change. But it's early days. 

I'm currently typing this, at 3am on a Friday morning after two days off work from severe pain that even tramadol won't mask. (By the way, tramadol is a horrible pain killer and messes with your sleep pattern... 10/10 don't recommend unless you really have to take it.)  

All I really want is answers. Obviously, I don't want anything wrong with me, but being told nothing is wrong is driving me insane. I know my body and I know something is not right. This isn't normal (despite what several male doctors have told me) and I'd like an explanation.

Even if it is "you're completely insane and your brain in making this all up". 

Hopefully there is a light at the end of this tunnel, but for now I plan to refill my hot water bottle, get into Bālāsana, and cry myself asleep. Lol. 

Jade x

New Additions to my Makeup Collection

This week I decided to up my makeup game. Looking in my *tiny* makeup drawer made me angry and even more so when I realised my light coverage BB creams and powder just won't cut it this time of year. Stupid blemishes! 

My birthday was Tuesday and my lovely boyfriend bought me the Urban Decay Naked Smoky palette. I'm completely in love with it! It has a mixture of shimmery and matte high pigmented nudes, blues, greens and browns to create the perfect smoky eye. It also comes with a double ended brush which is perfect for blending. It's definitely beat Naked 3 for sure! 

I have been desperate to try something from Kiko Cosmetics since they opened a store in Bluewater, so I picked up the Kiko Unlimited Liquid Foundation in shade Warm Rose 30. It suits my skin tone perfectly and is incredibly soft and lightweight. It's only £14.90 for a full sized bottle and you only need a small amount for each application. This is by far the best liquid foundation I've tried! 

I also splurged on Cult Beauty and bought the Anastatia Beverly Hills Cream Contour Palette and Brow Wiz, which came in the post today! I haven't used either yet but tomorrow I'm going to give them a go and possibly do a review. I'm hoping they both live up to the hype! 

I then suddenly realised I have a contour kit but no contour brushes. Luckily my local Asda sell Real Techniques so I picked up the four brush set. I've heard these brushes are brilliant, but I'll let you know how I get on! 

My make up drawer is looking a little healthier now. I can't say the same for my bank account though... 

Have you tried any of these products? Let me know your thoughts.