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| Artwork by Emma Plunkett |
A TMI rant about my battle with my uterus
It’s
2015. I’m 21. I’m living my best life. I’m at a gig once a week, in
London for one reason or another, at the gym 5 times a week. I launched a blog and doing really well in my day job. I feel the
most confident I’ve ever been. I’m happy and healthy.
And then I wasn’t.
I’ve suffered from bad period pains ever since aunt flo first visited. I remember being sent home from school a lot because the pain was crippling,
but my doctors dismissed it as normal.
“Most women get cramps, you just gotta get on with it.”
"It's probably not as bad as you think it is. Don't think about it"
I
was 11 years old when a doctor told me that having a baby will probably "cure my cramps". I've been told the same thing at subsequent appointments up until now. I mean, I definitely want kids, but for the right reasons and at the right time for me.
"Hey kids, did you know you exist solely because your mum wanted to conduct an experiment on herself?"
Anyone with a uterus has probably had some form of period pain in their life. Even if you've had very mild pains, I'm sure you can agree they aren't exactly pleasant.
Don't get me wrong, being a woman is amazing. I mean, we can grow people inside of us! We can feed babies with our boobies! (yes i said boobies)
But my god, my uterus is a bitch.
The level of pain I've experienced has peaked and troughed through the years. I remember times when I couldn't stand because the pain was so bad. I remember times where I had no pain at all. I remember in 2015, when I was having the time of my life, I wasn't experiencing anything near to what I am now.
What the hell happened, uterus!? We were just becoming friends!? *insert I can't believe you've done this vine here*
Today I'm living in constant pain. The cramps are daily. Excessive movement feels like I've ripped one of my ovaries off. Even sneezing can cause pain. It's ruining my relationships, my mental well being, my job...
It's exhausting.
About two years ago I was sent to a gynaecologist who was convinced I had endometriosis. My sister has it, and my symptoms are almost identical, so that's what they went with. A laparoscopy was planned and treatment in the meantime arranged. I'd try every contraception until I found one that "worked".
None of them "worked" and I'm convinced some of them made things worse... but I'm not the doctor. What would I know about my own body!?
I also tried other remedies suggested by different doctors; CBD oil, yoga, light exercise, rest, hot water bottles (my best friends), hot baths... I even tried therapy, which helped me manage the negative effects the pain had on my mental health. Sort of.
Fast forward a year, my pain was unbearable, I still hadn't had the op, and I was going mad from being in constant pain. I was scared I'd lose my job (despite constant reassurance from managers it was fine), I spiralled into a pit of depression and my anxiety skyrocketed. I used to get anxious going to events but now it was because I had to cancel plans. All. The. Damn. Time. I think a lot of my family and friends got a bit fed up with me, but I was exhausted. I could just about manage a full day at work.
The strain that this pain has on me physically and mentally is too much, so I usually get home and just sleep. Goodbye social life. 25 going on 75 amirite?!
I went to hospital a few times from excessive bleeding and terrible cramps. I was having symptoms of a miscarriage at one point, despite not being pregnant. I went to the hospital just in case to be told it was only my period. Again, the gynaecologist was certain it must be endometriosis, and again I was told that pregnancy might stop it.
At this point I even considered it.
After getting nowhere with my laparoscopy, doc sent me private where I finally had the op. I was told there was no endometriosis, but I did have a twisted ovary so he fixed it. I was relieved because it must have been that, right?!
Well, a few things came to light about my surgery and the gynaecologist I saw, which I won't detail (I'd be here all day), but it has meant I'm now getting a second opinion from another private gynaecologist.
Back to square one yay!
This new gynaecologist is, again, convinced it's endometriosis, but because I've already tried almost everything, he's pulled out the big guns. Zoladex. I'm injected with oestrogen every three months and will probably be getting menopausal symptoms, but in return, I'm supposed to be pain free. Sounds fun right? If things don't get better, I get to have another op. Lucky me!
So far, I've not noticed a change. But it's early days.
I'm currently typing this, at 3am on a Friday morning after two days off work from severe pain that even tramadol won't mask. (By the way, tramadol is a horrible pain killer and messes with your sleep pattern... 10/10 don't recommend unless you really have to take it.)
All I really want is answers. Obviously, I don't want anything wrong with me, but being told nothing is wrong is driving me insane. I know my body and I know something is not right. This isn't normal (despite what several male doctors have told me) and I'd like an explanation.
Even if it is "you're completely insane and your brain in making this all up".
Hopefully there is a light at the end of this tunnel, but for now I plan to refill my hot water bottle, get into Bālāsana, and cry myself asleep. Lol.
Jade x
